the end of an era

today was the last time that i was able to breastfeed my son.  I am sad but also very proud of myself for making my goal of one year happen and even surpassing that by 2 more weeks.

i wish that i could have nursed him a lot longer but my body was not letting me.  i knew my time was coming to an end when i would go to pump and nothing would come out after having not nursed for 5 hours or more.  i noticed my pumping output at night dwindling little by little and then caleb started on whole milk and didn't want to really nurse at night anymore, and with going back to work and getting nothing at the pump my body was ready, and so was he.

i think i somehow knew that friday would be the last real day of a good morning nursing session.  something told me not to turn on the tv, but to just hold him and look into his face as he stared up at me, feeling so comforted.  i had a bottle ready and waiting for when he was finished nursing since i was not satisfying his needs and he needed more milk.

i could barely hear his swallowing as he nursed i just knew this might be the last time.  i just took it all in and cherished it, the silence, the comfort, the closeness, the bond.  it is now tucked away in my heart to recall when i want to think back about this precious time we shared together.

i tried nursing today and caleb just cried most of the time because barely anything was coming out, but i did get to nurse him for a few moments.  i then turned to my husband with some tears in my eyes and said, " i think that was the last time."  what an incredible thing to i got to do for my baby, sustain him with my milk for over 12 months!

my sister said i should look at this as a celebration and buy some new bras.  i think i will do just that.  here are some of my favorite memories of this precious time that has now passed.

my husband convinced me to put this one on here, it wasn't funny at the time