Tuesday, October 12, 2010

heart ache

The heart ache has started for me and it is unbearable at times, it takes my breath away. What am I be talking about? Leaving this sweet boy in the hands of another while I go back to work. I know there are so many moms out there that struggle with this every day like my 2 fave blog gals, dearbaby and georgiegirl. I have read over and over how difficult it is and I have 27 days until I have to hand over the love of my life to my care provider and trust that she will care for him as much as I do. I dread each day as it comes to a close because I know that it is one day closer to the inevitable.

My days are spent playing, dancing, nursing, and nurturing this little boy and there is no better or harder job out there. It brings me such fulfillment to spend every waking hour with him and seeing him grow and change every day and knowing that I am responsible for him. Nothing gives me more comfort than the soft touch of his little hands as he reaches out for me when he's crying as I pick him up, knowing that his tears will be wiped away by my hands. My eyes are welling up as I write this and my heart is breaking into two pieces.

I know it is not possible for me to stay at home in the slightest way and I just have to accept that fact knowing that I am doing what I can to help support my family. Who knows maybe I will enjoy some grown up time and feel more refreshed when I come home to be with him. I just have to wish for that feeling as the daunting day draws near. For now, we will still get to experience the bond of being together every part of the day and nothing will take those moments away.


  1. Awww. I'm sorry, mama! Sounds like you're doing the right thing... and focusing on enjoying every moment you have with him until returning back to work. Even though I have no idea what your plans are (daycare, nanny, babysitter, relative's house, etc) I'm sure that he will be in good hands... because you wouldn't settle for anything less than the best for your little man! :)
    I hope the rest of your maternity leave goes by slowly for you.

  2. Thank you Jess. We found a wonderful woman to take care of our little man, but it's not me that will be taking care of him and I feel so guilty. I know she will be great, but I don't want to miss a single moment. I was lucky to have been able to take 12 weeks off to be with him. Thank you for your kind words.

  3. Aw man that's hard. It would be so nice to live in a world where pay was good enough and things were cheap enough to not need to go to work wouldn't it?

    It's good that you have had the time you have and that you can have a lovely time with your little one for now.


thanks for the nice comment :-)