The heart ache has started for me and it is unbearable at times, it takes my breath away. What am I be talking about? Leaving this sweet boy in the hands of another while I go back to work. I know there are so many moms out there that struggle with this every day like my 2 fave blog gals, dearbaby and georgiegirl. I have read over and over how difficult it is and I have 27 days until I have to hand over the love of my life to my care provider and trust that she will care for him as much as I do. I dread each day as it comes to a close because I know that it is one day closer to the inevitable.
My days are spent playing, dancing, nursing, and nurturing this little boy and there is no better or harder job out there. It brings me such fulfillment to spend every waking hour with him and seeing him grow and change every day and knowing that I am responsible for him. Nothing gives me more comfort than the soft touch of his little hands as he reaches out for me when he's crying as I pick him up, knowing that his tears will be wiped away by my hands. My eyes are welling up as I write this and my heart is breaking into two pieces.
I know it is not possible for me to stay at home in the slightest way and I just have to accept that fact knowing that I am doing what I can to help support my family. Who knows maybe I will enjoy some grown up time and feel more refreshed when I come home to be with him. I just have to wish for that feeling as the daunting day draws near. For now, we will still get to experience the bond of being together every part of the day and nothing will take those moments away.