your first birthday

Trying to find the right words for this monumental day is overwhelming.  I've thought about what I wanted to say to you as your first birthday approached and so many emotions come to mind.  The day you were born was the most amazing day of my life, next to the day I married your father.  I remember every detail vividly.

 You were born 2 days after this picture was taken.

mama struggled long and hard for 15 hours without medication because I was determined to have a drug-free natural birth.  Apparently, my body had other plans and some complications ensued that led us to have some scary moments and going back and forth on a c-section or not.  This is at night right after I was getting prepped for the c-section because you were just not coming down.  I was so ready to meet my little boy or girl.  We were waiting to be surprised and it was the wait that kept me strong and going when I needed it the most.

You were born at 9:09 PM on Friday, August 13th.  And boy did you come out like Superman with your arms out.  The doctor discovered that you were not dropping because mama has an extra bump on her tailbone that you just couldn't get past, you even came out with a bit of a lesion on your head from trying so hard.  Dada announced that you were a boy to me, because that was in our birth plan and it very important to us that your father was the one to announce it.  I always knew you were a boy and I even said that out loud after dada told me it was you.  It was one of my favorite memories.  "I always knew it was you, Caleb!", I cried out.

Dada got to cut the chord while they worked on putting me back together.  I couldn't wait to see your face and I was VERY impatient.  I laid there and just listened to your cries and it just put a sense of calm over me, I knew everything was ok.

I couldn't wait to take a look at you for the first time but I was pretty numb from the neck down and it was hard to turn to see you.  But that first look and the sight of you brought an immediate love for you that I have never experienced before.  From here on I was changed, I became your mama, a role I only dreamed of.  I wanted nothing more but to hold you in my arms and not be stuck on the operating table.   You were like an angel.

Finally about 45 minutes later, I was able to have you in my arms.  You nursed right away like a champ and just bopped your way down to find your "food" like your instincts told you to do.  That was my second most amazing experience since your birth.  You were perfect in every way and I couldn't believe how beautiful you were.

a couple days later, we took you home and welcomed you into your new world.  We have never been prouder of anything as much as we are of you.  Each day you bless us with your smile and love.  This year has been so surreal and fast and I am sad that you are turning one today and going from being my baby boy to a toddler.

We planned a big celebration for you today and I will just enjoy each minute and cherish your joy.

I love you more than life itself.  Happy first birthday my sweet child.

with love,
mama