a little scare

i had a bit of a scare when i was sent to the emergency room due to experiencing some chest pains for a few days.  i had the gamut of tests run and nothing came back that was indicating any serious heart issues.  i followed up with my primary doc to be told that it was caused by stress.  really?!  so his advice for better health is to date my husband weekly, go out with my girlies more, find a hobby to do, and get back to doing things that i used to enjoy. 

so i am taking his advice and doing just that, starting with blogging again. 

for some reason i feel guilty doing anything for myself because that means i am taking time away from caleb when i'm already away from him for 8 hours each day.  he is growing up so fast, and i keep being reminded of that all the time.  there were a lot of things going through my brain like, how much i miss him being a baby and that he will be in school in a year and a half,  and then an adult in the blink of an eye... you know all the typical things that moms think about coupled with the every day stressors of working full time, trying not to ignore my husband, the house, eating healthy, making time for exercise, my failures, things that i did not accomplish and how bad i felt about not doing the simplest tasks and the list goes on. 

i found that i would spend too much time doing stupid things like watching YouTube beauty videos each night after caleb went to bed instead of staying up to watch a program and snuggle with the mister and just being together alone.  also, my prayer life was dwindling because i was trying to cram it in while driving instead of just taking a few quiet moments before bed to thank the Lord.  instead i was forcing myself to pray the rosary, divine mercy chaplet, morning prayers and night prayers.  i felt like i wasn't doing a good job anywhere.  meanwhile my dear husband would yet take on another thing onto to his already over flowing plate to help me out and lighten my stress all the while adding more to his.  i am so blessed and lucky to have such a great man in my life and i've taken that for granted too many times. 

what happened to me? to us?  i told myself that i would never be that kind of person that forgets about them self, but yet here i am trying to find my way back.  i am starting slowly by returning to things that make me happy, and this blog is one of these things.