work it

in the week after giving birth to my son, i lost 20 pounds!  i gained 37 overall and thought in a week that was way more than i ever thought i'd shed.  then i nursed my babe for 12 and a half months, the weight just kept coming off until i was at a size 2.  i ate ice-cream every day, we went on daily walks to the chocolate shop, and i just stuffed my face because my body needed the fuel for milk production.

this summer i had a horrific start with post-partum post-weaning anxiety.  i couldn't sleep or eat much for 2 weeks, my clothes were getting looser and i was on the verge of being a size 0.  fast forward 9 months and i now have to start working hard to lose this weight that has crept up.  i am very hard on myself when it comes to my weight because i have always been in great shape for the most part.  i was a big gym rat before getting pregnant, working with a trainer, and dabbling in the idea of competing in fitness competitions. now my size 4's are getting tight and it's depressing that i have to put on clothes in a too small pile.  i wear clothes that hide things well, but my feelings about myself are hard to hide.

this week i decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and told myself that i am worth being happy with my body.  i find it very difficult to find time to work out.  i have tried getting up before work, but nothing gets me to hit snooze faster than thinking of a cold, dark, boring basement to work out in.  after work, i have to pick up my son, then play with him while the mister makes dinner, then we do bath, more play, and bed.  the time is now 8PM and i drop on the couch exhausted with things yet to do, clean up, read my bible, pray, and just be with my love.  i usually end up going to bed drained at 9:30 feeling defeated that i let another day pass without working out and having "me" time to do things i love like blog stalking and posting on my own blog.

i find it hard to balance it all and have time for me, until now.  i prayed to God to give me the strength and energy to work on myself.  he answered me the next day when i woke up before work in a great mood, and scampered down to the basement to ride my bike.  i felt wonderful and so accomplished by just doing this one little thing.  it also helped that brian set the tv up down there so i had something to look at besides basement walls and boxes.  it's day 2 and today brian picked up caleb and i was able to run.  i have to start slow since my body is not used to all this running and weight lifting.  to help me in my en devour, caleb will be picked up by brian so i can get a head start on working out.  now i have to battle my extreme sweet tooth.